Manu kuj swaal de answer chide han i hoop ke tusi manu de sakde ho.ik gursikh veer jis da viah ho chuka hai us di ik kuri de naal dosti hai.Us gursikh veer di singhni ne buhat samjeya per veer ji kehande han oo kuj galat nai karde just friends han per tusi koi manu das sakda hai je sirf dost han fer oo raat de 2 baje tak uthy ki karde han means kise gair kuri de ghar,jad ke veer ji di singhni ghar wait kardi pai hai.veer ji kehande han manu kade kise kolo pyaar nai mileya, jad main us friends de kol hunda haan te relax hunda haan dasso MANu KE EE SEHI HAI?
If someone is spending an inordinate amount of social time with anyone (man or woman) at the expense of their own family that is not right. The "singh" saying that he doesn't get "love" anywhere - that is NOT right. Love is cultivated. So, his attitude is incorrect.
I am perfectly fine with friendships. But putting yourself in the wrong position, or being at the wrong place at the wrong time - like being at another woman's house until 2 AM when your wife is at home. Because all it takes is one wrong word or move and lives are ruined.
So, what the man is doing may not be wrong in the technical sense in his own mind but it can become VERY wrong, very quickly. Tell him that he is playing with fire and if he gets burned, it won't only be him - he will take a couple of families with him. If he is not concerned about himself, he should think of others around him that he is putting in jeopardy.
Hao Kachhoo Naa Jaanaa Tayree Saar; Tu Kar Gatt Mayree, Prabhu Dayaar||
I think this will be not for the liking of most but sometimes people don't understand until things happen to them.
The Singhni should go to friends and come back at 4 am in the morning, then monitor how her husband reacts. Gone are the days when a wife stays in the house all the time as in most cases they have to work too. Equal rights to both - and that was imposed by Gurus, not me... but do we understand?
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh, The following book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, which I am reading to help my daughter heal, contains tips about marriage too...take care of your emotional wellbeing especially if you have children as it hurts them the most...Kran Karan Sab Ek Hai, to test our faith... Wahegurujio keep us close to his Blessed Charna! Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh, Sorry I forgot to include link for book: http://emotionallyhealthychildren.org/ I obtained book from library so would suggest same to Bibijio, but never forget NAAM with every breath which is REALLY THE TRUE REMEDY FOR ALL PROBLEMS and guide us through the ocean of life... Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh
Veer Ji is not doing the right thing by spending time that is given to him for his spouse on another lady. You mentioned that he said that he doesn't feel he received any love his entire life. Since he knows how that feels, why is he passing that feeling on to his wife? Does he think his wife feels "piyar" when he is with another woman instead of her?
I sincerely belive that open and honest communication resolves all issues. The wife should talk to her husband. It shouldn't be a fight or accusations. It should be about facts and how it makes her feel. What rules should be enforced for the children in the household? If the father is ok to stay out until 2am with friends then will the daugther be allowed to stay out until 2am also with friends?
It is possible that our veer ji finds he has more in common with his friend than his wife at intellectual/spiritual level so talking to his friend and spending time with his friend is easier for him. But the couple needs to work to build commonality, things they like, together.
Also the wife can engage herself in his life more instead of him living the life of a bachelor. She has that right as his wife. It takes a while for Singhs to realize the responsibility of marriage. May be the wife can join the husband when he visits his friend and learn what topics are discussed. This should be used as a learning exercise so that she knows what interests him and try to create that atmosphere at home so that he WANTS to stay home. Please don't misunderstand my comment above. I am not saying for a second that it is the wife's fault that the husband doesn't want to be home. The husband has his own mind and clearly he is doing what he wants without any regard to who he is hurting in the process as long as it make him feel good. I am only putting forward some suggestions so that the wife doesn't feel helpless that she just has to stand by until he feels like giving her his time.
In that spirit, may be the wife can invite the husband's friend over to their house also and turn things into a family event instead of personal 1 on 1 time.
If things are really out of control, if husband's friend is single, seek parents help in restricting visitation time, if husband's friend is married then friend's spouse may help resolve the situation as well.
It is also possible that husband's friend is not aware that the wife is upset about late hours away from home. The wife can have a conversation with the friend, woman to woman. Again, this conversation should not be in accusatory tone or put down towards either party but should be "I feel..." and "I would like..." What can you do to help me?
Keep the tone, volume, body language under control in this stressful situation that the wife will face in communicating. It will make her a diamond in the end.
Singh should wake up to the commitment he made to his wife. He will harm his friend's reputation as well as his own if he keeps this up and ultimately ruin lives in the long run.