1) follow her husband
2) follow her parents
3) follow her in-laws
The intention is to start a discussion. Purpose of this post is to find a practical & contemporary path to a peaceful married life. Is there a way to overcome the rising social problem of failed marriages !
All Gursikhs, please be kind enough to give your opinion.
interesting question, but if i may say so, it is a wrong question for both you and me :-)))
as men (or boys), we should not be asking that question.
we should be asking: what should a husband do after anand kaaraj?
should we follow our parents, our wives, or our in-laws?
however, the answer that not-exactly-confused jee gave is right...
each of us should follow our Guru Saheb, and only our Guru Saheb.
my sisters, mothers, daughters, and wife - they will decide what the right answer is for themselves...
veer jee, i know what you are asking and i know what your intent is, and that your heart is in the right place. however, i think we're all sort of fooling ourselves when we talk about these types of issues. we think we have the answers, and we think we know how the society is supposed to be... yet, there the society is, doing what it is going to do, and people being what they want to be...
ladies and germs, we just got to be who we are in relation to what our Guru Mataa and Guru Pitaa jee wants us to be, and let things go they way they go... we, you and i, aren't capable of changing any thing or anyone.. we can't even control ourselves. we just have to repeat guru saheb's mantra to ourselves and try to change our selves one pore at a time. and hope that by making our selves better in guru saheb's grace the world becomes a better place...
In Sikh history, Guru Sahibaan's practised 'Grahst jeevan' or in simple words married life. The marriages were arranged by their parents, elders or then prevalent Guru Sahib. Like, Guru Amardas ji fixing the marriage of their daughter Bibi Bhani ji with Bhai Jetha ji (later named Guru Ramdas ji.)
Kindly read the Sakhi of Gursikh Bibi Rajni Ji - A devoted wife, down below.
In the era of Guru Ram Das ji, one cannot leave out Bibi Rajni ji, youngest daughter of Rai Duni Chand, revenue collector (kardar) of Patti. Bibi Rajni ji was a Gursikh, a disciple of the Guru. One day she was sitting with her sisters admiring some new clothing they all had received from their father. The girls were ecstatic and exclaiming how good their father was to them. Rajni observed that all gifts are ultimately from God. Their father was merely an instrument of His greatness. Unfortunately for her, he overheard her comment and became very angry.
It was not the first time that she incurred his wrath because of her extreme piety. The infuriated father, believing her to be an ungrateful wretch, married her to a leper with a taunt that he would see how her God would help her lead a normal life. The leper was severely disfigured and a foul smell came from his body. The poor girl had accepted her fate ungrudgingly and worked hard to maintain herself and her crippled husband. She kept repeating the name of God, and was certain that he was testing her with this turn of events. She was forced to beg for a living. Still she bathed and fed her leper husband, never losing faith. One day, she reached the site of a pool on her way to a neighbouring village. Placing the basket containing her husband by the side of the pool, she had gone out on an errand, to look for food.
In the meantime, her crippled husband had seen a black crow dip into the water of the pool and come out white. Amazed at this miracle, the man crawled up to the edge of the pool and managed a dip. He found himself completely cured. When his wife returned, she was amazed to find her husband in good health. He was handsome and whole. At first, she was alarmed and suspected that he might be a different person. He had, however, kept one finger with leprosy marks un-dipped. He showed her the diseased finger as proof of his identity. The couple thanked WAHEGURU and went to seek blessings from Guru Sahib ji.
The pool was the future site of the Golden Temple. The legendary importance of the site highlights the medicinal properties of the waters of the pool, Rajni's leper husband was cured in.
Sakhi relates that if you keep faith in God then one day all rewards are paid. Bibi Rajni ji had always kept the faith in WAHEGURU, being happy with whatever she had and thus was rewarded at the end.
its been a while since i last wrote & i will be very short because of time constraints.
Dhan GuruHargobind Saahab Jee ~ Village Daroli Bhai (i guess in Ferozepur)
A young bibi from a gursikh household was being married to non-sikh mr. sadhu/sidhu (whose family & forefathers were followers of sakhi-sarvar a muslim peer of the time).
Bibi was afraid, what will happen to her sikhee values ?
while the Baaraat(Doli) was returning after marriage, Bibi was doing an ardaas in her heart.
SADD SUNNDAA SADD VEKHDAA SABAD RAHEYAA BHARPOOR ||
ghat ghat key antar kee jaanat satguru
Dhan GuruHargobindSaaheb jee was visiting Daroli & keertan was going on.
Bibi went towards the direction of keertan sound walking away from returning baaraat(doli).
Wearing those marriage waale clothes, while she was sitting in sangat, Guru Saahab asked her where she is coming from & she told her story & ardaas.
Guru Saahab smile & gave VAR that Sikhee will never go from her household, her husband will become gursikh & a time will come when a very Gursikh son will be born of them.
Seeing her wandering away from DOLI & on being asked by father, bhai Sadhu/Bhai Sidhu (Kavi Santokh Singh ji has written his name as sadhu & somewhere else i read sidhu) replied she has gone in the direction of keertan.
"OH! we are sakhi sarvareeye, we are not sikhs, we'll teach her slowly slowly our customs. For now, just bring her back." father replied.
Bhai Sidhu/Bhai Sadhu went in the direction of keertan.
:) Now look at his destiny.
PAARAS KALAA varat gayee
JUST ONE GLIMPSE & the POOREY BACHAN OF POOREY SATGURU dhan sree guruHargobindsaaheb jee changed him forever.
:) PAARAS KALAA varat gayee
Har PREM BaaNNEE man maareyaa
Bhai sidhu/sadhu was changed immediately.
After getting Varr of Gursikhee from satguru, bhai sadhu returned with wife & very next morning, broke & threw away all material of Sakhi sarvar from his house.
"has he gone mad ? he must have gone absurd ? eh kuRRee koyee jadugar hai ? guru ney kujh kar ditaa hai ?" his family & people were surprised at his behaviour.
but bhai sadhu became a Gursikh
Jis Laagee Peer Pirumm kee
Eh tan man ditRRaa Vaaro vaaraa Raam ||
Gur Mil Ladhaa Jee ~
RAAM PYAARAA RAAM
Time passed and a son was born out of couple, they took him to Guru Saahab & Guru Saahab blessed the handsome son with name ROOP CHAND.
Time passed & roop chand grew up. Once both son & dad Bhai Roop Chand & Bhai Sadhu Jee were working in farm/forest. It was PEAK SUMMER & Water which they had brought with them to drink was hanged on a JAND tree. dry hot air made water so cool
that when they came to drink it, it was CHILLED.
OH! this water is not for us, Such a nice Chilling Water ! its for Satguru.
Wah Wah Gursikho
(Do we ever think this way in our lives )
& they bent in ardaas !
Satguru Jee Darshan baksho!
KOyee AANN MILAAVEY
Meraa Preetam PYAARAA
Hou Reh Naa Sakaa Bin Dekhey Preetmaa
mai neer vahey VEH challey jeeyo ||
& There, Miles away, Sadd SuNNdaa Sad Vekhdaa, Antarjaamee So Prabh POORAA satguru Dhan GuruHargobindsaaheb jee was taking a nap.
HE immediately responded to the ardaas. Took out HIS horse & went towards ARDAASeeya Bhai Sadhu Ji & Bhai Roop Chand Jee.
To DRINK WATER ?
JIN PREM KEEYO TIN HEE PRABH PAAYO |
So Guru Pyaareo, MAN OR WOMAN ! DO ardaas
ARDAAS HAS POWER.
just do ARDAAS, whether you are man or woman (there actually is no man, we all are women, is jag meh PURAKH EK hai hor saglee naar sabaayee), before marriage just ask for GURSIKH sanjog & if we have enough karam then we'll get a Gursikh Sanjog & we won't have to do much. BUT IF we don't have enough karams (not enough NAAM kamaayee) & we don't get a Gursikh Sanjog then we might have to do those together with our future satsangee & get ourselves cleansed & changed.
REST ASSURED! Paaras Kalaa is still there, as powerful as it was always.
KHIN RUMM GUR GUMM.....
(sorry it became so long, but please forgive me its after a long break)