Pains in Sikhi

[hope123]

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki fateh

For a while now I feel like I am being drowned in this world. I am being pulled by my arms to two sides. One side I can see dashmesh pitas face smiling at me the other arm I see my family. No matter what I do nothing can ever convince my mom to let me tie a dastaar. No matter how much rehraas sahib I do with her or whatever thing. It's all too much for me. For years now people have been telling me to go and take Amrit. Now I have decided that no matter what my parents think I am going to take Amrit. After one waits too long the pain and yearning just becomes so beyond unbearable. To be pulled by 2 worlds and to not be apart of neither world. It drove me 2 constantly feeling disgusted with myself for wearing a dastaar to smagaams and not anywhere else. I just feel so alone at home. My parents don't like going 2 smagaams at all. My yearning and thirst 2 go has put me through so much pain. The point is that I know my mom will never accept me te same with a dastaar. It's too much pain for me. It comes to the point that life just doesn't seem worth anything without guru sahib without sangat. No matter what worldly things I get from my parents. I feel they don't give me anything when I don't have the chance to spend not just a few hours but the night at a rainsabai. It's painful sikhi.... This has been going on for years now. Sometimes the pain goes and than it comes back like now.

My parents never are proud of me for tying a dastaar. Learning a new paath by myself. Or anything I seem to do. My mom always says if only you were a boy I would have no problem with you wearing a dastaar.

When the yearning to be in sangat is high enough than I cry. Which makes my parents say you do so much paath you need to stop being so aggressive. I am 17 years old.... I am getting my license....even when I get it..,my parents will tell me I can't go to rainsabai becuz they think I will get hurt. I just need to know how 2 deal with this. I dont know what to do anymore....

Sometimes I feel my life would be better there would be less pain if I didnt have these intense piercings of desire to do simran in sangat. Or I don't know..they just go and come back....everybody in my family thinks I am crazy for having these pains...... I feel like I am imprisoned within myself....

I am taking Amrit in toronto at smagam. My dad is worried that panj pyaarae will make me become bibeki or sarabhloh bibeki. He keeps on telling me to make sure I am ready. I don't want 2 tell him what I have typed here because he would not understand..... I have tried but nothing ever makes him understand... I can't become bibeki or sarabhloh bibeki. I dont have the ability to cook my own food everyday.. I am going to be a senior in high school. I have yptaken on 4 ap classes.. I have to take the SAtsss... I have to study because my scores are not u 2 par. I am horrible at mathh.. And I need
To just studyyy... It's all 2 much for me 2 handle... I just need to now how to deal with these pains in sikhi... I need to know what 2 tell my dad... I need to know how 2 deal with my mom who hates my dastaar... I need to know how 2 deal with yearnings for sangat.

[Sunjeet Singh]

Wow, after reading this post, i just had to make an account and respond. your situation is similar to mine, except your a kaur and im a singh. my mom does the most, and the same thing for the reinsbhaees...
the only advice i can give you is to just wait a little longer, hold it out and DO NOT GIVE UP. giving up will never help you and it'll never help solve the problem, it'll just make everything worse. if you're thinking about taking amrit, i would say you should think about it some more. 4 ap classes and being an amritdhari isn't an easy job. just being an amritdhari overall isnt easy, you have to be careful in life and make sure you do at least your nitnem every day.
about the dastar issue, just start wearing it around the house more often and your mom will eventually get used to it? start with tying a smaller one at home and once she starts getting more used to it, start slowly tying a bigger one.

- Sunjeet Singh
- WJKK, WJKF

[atl singh]

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki fateh

For a while now I feel like I am being drowned in this world. I am being pulled by my arms to two sides. One side I can see dashmesh pitas face smiling at me the other arm I see my family. No matter what I do nothing can ever convince my mom to let me tie a dastaar. No matter how much rehraas sahib I do with her or whatever thing. It's all too much for me. For years now people have been telling me to go and take Amrit. Now I have decided that no matter what my parents think I am going to take Amrit. After one waits too long the pain and yearning just becomes so beyond unbearable. To be pulled by 2 worlds and to not be apart of neither world. It drove me 2 constantly feeling disgusted with myself for wearing a dastaar to smagaams and not anywhere else. I just feel so alone at home. My parents don't like going 2 smagaams at all. My yearning and thirst 2 go has put me through so much pain. The point is that I know my mom will never accept me te same with a dastaar. It's too much pain for me. It comes to the point that life just doesn't seem worth anything without guru sahib without sangat. No matter what worldly things I get from my parents. I feel they don't give me anything when I don't have the chance to spend not just a few hours but the night at a rainsabai. It's painful sikhi.... This has been going on for years now. Sometimes the pain goes and than it comes back like now.

My parents never are proud of me for tying a dastaar. Learning a new paath by myself. Or anything I seem to do. My mom always says if only you were a boy I would have no problem with you wearing a dastaar.

When the yearning to be in sangat is high enough than I cry. Which makes my parents say you do so much paath you need to stop being so aggressive. I am 17 years old.... I am getting my license....even when I get it..,my parents will tell me I can't go to rainsabai becuz they think I will get hurt. I just need to know how 2 deal with this. I dont know what to do anymore....

Sometimes I feel my life would be better there would be less pain if I didnt have these intense piercings of desire to do simran in sangat. Or I don't know..they just go and come back....everybody in my family thinks I am crazy for having these pains...... I feel like I am imprisoned within myself....

I am taking Amrit in toronto at smagam. My dad is worried that panj pyaarae will make me become bibeki or sarabhloh bibeki. He keeps on telling me to make sure I am ready. I don't want 2 tell him what I have typed here because he would not understand..... I have tried but nothing ever makes him understand... I can't become bibeki or sarabhloh bibeki. I dont have the ability to cook my own food everyday.. I am going to be a senior in high school. I have yptaken on 4 ap classes.. I have to take the SAtsss... I have to study because my scores are not u 2 par. I am horrible at mathh.. And I need
To just studyyy... It's all 2 much for me 2 handle... I just need to now how to deal with these pains in sikhi... I need to know what 2 tell my dad... I need to know how 2 deal with my mom who hates my dastaar... I need to know how 2 deal with yearnings for sangat.

http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=2653

Hope123 Bhenjee,

There are a lot of different things to say to your family, but the best way is it just to live your life according to sachee suchee Gurmat and let your own Prem-Bhagtee show them the light by itself. Your parents in this world and the next, are Satguru Guru Gobind Singh jee and Mata Sahib Kaur jee and our goal is always to make THEM proud and follow Guru jee's teachings. There's no need to ever argue with the parents in this world, everything and everyone will fall into place under Vaheguru's Hukam by itself. Let the paaras-kalaa of Naam/Bani/Seva/Sangat shine through you, to them. The pains you are feeling aren't crazy or wrong, consider yourself lucky that you have this yearnings. Keep following Gurmat Rehat and doing Simran and Baani abhyaas, the yearnings will start reaping the benefits of it and you will not doubt them or let anyone change your state of mind. Vaheguru jee has a plan for every body on this planet, and some (because of pichlay karam etc.) Vaheguru likes to test more than others. Just like your worldly tests, the harder and more you practice, the better the end result will be. Always be thankful for any bit of Sangat you can get, you're lucky to live somewhere Smagams are even accessible once in a while, there are Singhs and Kaurs in your same position who live hours and hours away from any Gur-Sangat.. compared to them, even you have vadday-bhaag :). Best thing to keep in mind is remember what your priorities and goals are; first goal is being the best Gursikh you can be, FOLLOWED by being a daughter, sister, friend, A+ student, A+ athlete/musician. Because once we have Guru Sahibs kusheeyaan from being the best Gursikh we can be, all those worldly roles will start falling into place by themselves. Making up your mind to beg Guru Sahib/Panj Pyaare for Amrit is a wonderful thing, you need not worry that you will be blessed with a Hukam that you cannot handle. No parent will ever feed their little baby a bite too big to eat, right? .. Go to an Amrit Sanchaar feeling like you want to give your head and let Dashmesh Pithaa bless you with whatever He decides. Gursikhi is supposed to be hard and painful, but it's even more sweet and beneficial once the kamaayee is done. Everything will be okay, beg for Sachay Paathshaa via Ardaas to bless you with the power to accept all that comes your way as His sweet sweet razaa (will) and nothing can ever stop you.

I think I know who you are.. please speak with my family and couple other Singhs/Kaurs who will be there, (who are all your family also :)), after the next Akhand Keertan program that you attend. There is a Raensbayee this coming Saturday in the New Brunswick area and before or after Keertan starts/ends, you can all sit and talk. If it's not possible to come, then send an email with contact info to sevaa@akj.org and we can arrange a phone call.

ਵਾਿਹਗੁਰੂਜੀਕਾਖਾਲਸਾਵਾਿਹਗੁਰੂਜੀਕੀਫਤਿਹ

[charanjeet singh]

waheguru ji ka khalsa
waheguru ji ki fateh...

the first and only thing you can do and you should do is to take amrit... by taking amrit you will be able to see the difference in your life.... from difference i don't mean something extra ordinary.. it means the things you were handling before taking amrit was quite difficult but after taking amrit you could tackle those thing with more confidence...

even i was always a little worried before taking amrit.. like how will i do path, will i be able to follow the rehat, and even other things like what will happen tomorrow, what can i do in future etc... and now i still face that problems but now i'm not worried about them... because i know waheguru ji is going to take care of them.. you just need to surrender once... once u surrender u will always feel like guru ji is standing with you always so y should i even worry...

look after taking amrit u will wear all the kakars and every kakar has its significance... u know what does wearing a kara means.. it's like guru gobind singh is holding your hand... and when guru gobind singh is holding your hand he will not let his child be suffer...

you have many questions and problems in your life... and these questions can be answered by guru ji himself.. so first you have to go towards the guru first(take amrit).. and then leave everything on him...

bhul chuk maaf

waheguru ji ka khalsa
waheguru ji ki fateh...

[simulacra&simulation]

Dear hope123,

Just like some other posters here, I was also compelled to make an account on this site when I read about the issues you faced just to share my experience in the hope that you draw strength from it.

Do not be upset that your parents aren't proud of you for wearing dastaar. More often than not, our parents have been brought up with a lot of Punjabi culture ingrained in them that's why they start panicking the moment we girls (and i quote) "start donning a boy's look by wearing dastaar". Take time to understand the concerns your parents have, know they have your best interests at heart but at the same time, let them know that you love the dastaar and you are going to be 100% committed to the dastaar. I myself got a lot of flak from everyone when I decided to wear a dastaar because where I live, there aren't many dastaar wearing bibiyaan. But you know what? Now my parents who initially had a lot of reservations about dastaar love it heaps and they often tell me to do my dastaar proud by wearing it well, being a good Sikh and living according to rehat. To me, that is a fabulous change all made possible by Guruji's kirpa. Keep on being a good Sikh, the moment you take 1 step towards Guruji HE will clear all obstacles in your way and take 1000 steps to meet you. Just be genuine in your Sikhi and don't let any challenge shake your faith. :-)

[hope123]

Vaheguroo!!!

Thank you all so much for your encouragement!!! I feel so much better that I am not alone! Everybody around me seemed to me had it all..My dad is okay with it and all. My mom is a little bit shaky though. But I feel like alot of weight has been lifted from my shoulders... I feel so much better after reading all your posts. I really think things might work out for the best now. For the longest time everything just seemed hopeless and just horrible. I felt like I was living a lie. But now I am done doing that. I am going to tie a dastaar everyday starting today:) But now I can see the silver line......

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki Fateh

[hope123]

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki Fateh

I just wanted to add, how do I approach other singhs and kaurs about such a topic? Atl Singh veerji, I don't really know your family all that well. Well I think they might give me wierd looks . They won't give me wierd looks right? Its just.. I don't know anybody that well? So I was just hoping for some assurance that nobody is going to give me mean,awkward, or wierd looks .Right? I hope?

I am so sorry, but I really have to confirm this...

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki Fateh

[atl singh]

No mature Gursikh will make anyone feel bad for asking Gurmat related questions... you've asked hundreds of people online here, asking 1 or 2 elders that we can consider our parents shouldn't be so difficult :)

[hope123]

Okay jee that makes sense...